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It was so smart, but the rest of us just go fumbling into it.

Fumbling is one way to put it. While the divorce rate in America has been decliningthere are plenty of issues that can trip up a happy union — including money, sex, religion and child rearing.

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And still, many couples have trouble addressing difficult questions before they walk down the aisle. A big part of getting to know whether your partner is a good fit is interrogating your own preferences and goals.

Marriage and the Art of Living Together. Rosenthal says that the happiest, most successful couples she met all had one thing in common: Spending all of your energy keeping one person happy becomes way too much of a burden once there are kids and mortgages and ill parents.

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Ruotola says wef she and Behrendt quickly learned that they had very different frames of reference: In her family, the kids always came first. Some differences are harder to negotiate then others. Michael Grossmanco-authors of The Marriage Maprecently advised over email.

Instead of making implicit assumptions, make sure you get clarity before you get married. Rosenthal met a lot of couples who were very prepared for their wedding day, but few who were actively thinking about how to build a successful marriage. Contact us at editors time.

Before you say, "I do," make sure you ask yourself and your partner some important questions. By Sarah Treleaven June 28, Motto welcomes outside contributions. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of TIME editors.

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